Thursday, June 24, 2010

Steps of the Self-Forgiveness Ladder -2

So far it has been relatively comfortable - right? Oh Oh, you're looking apprehensive, waiting for me to say, something like difficult or painful right??  Well, it is not. Did I not mention in Part 4 last week, that the Forgiveness Process is comfortable, compassionate and joyful , if you're doing it right? Now how did you do on your homework on Values.

Well, why don't we do some housecleaning now - no need for a vacuum...... I meant mental housecleaning. That is what Step 2 is about. There are 2 parts. On a whole page draw two vertical columns. On the first, rank the values that you've written, from the most important to the least, leaving a few lines of space between each value. On the second column for each value, you will write a value statement. Here are some examples and each statement should have the words that are capitalized. 
                 Values (Core at the top)                                   Value Statement
     Dignity                                                     I VALUE feeling
                                                                     dignified MORE THAN
                                                                     feeling worthless,     Freedom                                                  I VALUE freedom
                                                                     MORE THAN  feeling a
                                                                     prisoner in
                                                                     my own negativity.

After you have written ALL the Value Statements, then read them aloud as many times as you wish and let them sink in. Running out of writing material. I did warn you that you will need full standard size exercise books.       Again use 2 columns and mention all the benefits and burdens.
Part 2 of Step 2
Benefits of Forgiving Myself                                
Benefits of Forgiving myself
When I forgive myself of holding
on to  resentment, my head is clear, I digest my food better.                                                   
Burdens of not forgiving Myself  
When I hold on to unforgiveness, my headaches do not go away, I have problems with digestion.

If this not self-explanatory, then write to me. List all the benefits and burdens, no matter how insignificant they may seem. Then read them aloud, weighing  the benefits against the burdens. Take all the time you need to reflect on your Value Statements, the benefits and the burdens. As you read the Benefits and Burdens aloud, check your body's reaction. Do you feel your body relax when you read the Benefits? Is the body tensing when you read the Burdens. Which part of the body is reacting more than the others? Jot them down.

I want to thank the three participants of the small forgiveness group. They will be able to share and support each other confidentially, in this Process . Since I'm involved in this small group, my descriptions of these Steps will be minimal. I will still be available to answer your questions or comments and will incorporate it into my posts. Check my posts each week, either on Thursday or Friday.
P Nicholas